This week was a revolutionary week for me in my mindset and beliefs.
I had taken a job at a convenience store that in no way suited me. The company and I didn’t have the same values, nor did the job allow me to have any sort of self-expression or a feeling of fulfilment at the end of my shift. Where I would like to be helping people, I was serving them cigarettes and junk food. When I would like to have self-expression through my hair and clothing, at work it was reduced to uniformity to not look any different than anyone else – I had to wear black pants.* When I went in search of said pants I couldn’t buy them. They didn’t inspire me in any way, shape or form. Neither did my job.
I tried hard to be happy working there. The people there were kind and my manager flexible with my schedule. I was earning money. A person can be happy anywhere, right? Each day before work I would ground and centre myself so that I could present my most joyful self. I wanted to connect with the customers that were coming through, lighten them, spread joy. Instead I found myself quickly drained and grumpy.
For me, it felt like my soul was dying each day that I went to work and I lost a bit of my individuality. I felt like I was loosing consciousness and awareness with each customer that I rung through my till. Troubling.
Reflecting on this and the job, I wondered to myself why I was there. It occurred to me during my reflections that I could quit my job. And if I did, everything would be okay and work itself out. Exciting!
Later in the day, when talking with a friend, my job situation came up. When I heard myself speak I became aware that I was working a job unsuitable to my personality and who I am because I was scared of lack – not having a liveable income or home.
I learned that I was re-enacting a pattern that has occurred in my life over and over again over the past six years, one I’m ready to stop. The pattern is taking a job “just because I need the money” instead of taking a job because I like it or enjoy it. Whenever I’ve taken a job for that reason, using the logic that once I have something I’ll be able to search for what I want, I’ve never been able to find an enjoyable job. Instead I get dragged down by a job I don’t enjoy and end up not searching for anything new or I jump to another equally unsatisfying job.
This festered and grew in my mind over the next few days and came into being a huge realization that is indeed revolutionary to the way that I live my life:
If I choose to do something out of fear-based energies, then I will attract more fear-based energies into my life. But if I choose instead, to do something out of love-based energies then love-based energies will surely flow into my life.
That made too much sense to me to ignore it.
I needed to quit.
But I was scared.
This is a very different way of thinking for me that wasn’t taught to me by my family, school, or even by my culture. The more I contemplated this the more it made sense, and several occurrences happened creating confidence in me and in my decision.
First I noticed in the prayer that I’ve been saying each morning for a few weeks includes this line:
Oh Kind and Merciful Kuan Yin, give me steadfast courage to follow my heart in my life’s journey, even when it means defying the expectations of others to reach my true destiny.
The same day I choose to do what I needed to do I pulled the affirmation card stating:
I am totally adequate for all situations. I am one with the power of the Universe. I claim this power, and it is easy for me to stand up for myself.
I wondered, is quitting a job that is unsuitable to me standing up for myself? Is it ultimately an act of self-love?
One of the women in my class made the statement that day, “It’s like I had to give myself permission to be happy.”
Ironically, that’s what I felt that I needed to do. Why do I need to work a job I don’t like? How does that make sense? I don’t and it doesn’t make sense. The Universe put us on the planet to be happy, not to be miserable. Our life is supposed to be filled with joy in all areas, however that looks for each of us. And it will be different for all of us. Obviously, this job is not my joy.
Then, in the book I was reading, I stumbled upon:
“Follow your bliss. – Joseph Campbell”
Well, you know, a woman has to do what a woman has to do. I decided I want to bring forth only energies of love, therefore all things that I do will be based out of love and happiness instead of fear.
I called my workplace and quit. A weight lifted off of me, and I was happy and excited about life again. Curiosity about what life and I can create in my universe came back.
The next day I pulled these affirmations:
I now go beyond other peoples fears and limitations. It is ‘my’ mind that creates my experiences. I am unlimited in my own ability to create the good in my life.
It is safe to look within. As I move through the layers of other peoples opinions and beliefs I see within myself a magnificent being, wise and beautiful. I love what I see in me.
*My wardrobe has morphed into mainly skirts/dresses, with the very odd day being a jeans day.